Kevin and I have a friendship that is based in real candor and almost entirely uncensored mutual disclosure of our thoughts, feelings, and experiences. To say that this kind of relationship is rare is an understatement: I would go so far as to suggest that some people never develop a single relationship like this in the course of their lifetime – there are, forever and always, portions of themselves that they hold back from the other person, usually for fear of being judged and, in the last analysis, rejected. While I am sure there are parts of myself that I somewhat “check” in my interactions with Kevin, these parts are very few, as this is one of the most straightforward and direct relationships I have ever had. And for that I am extremely grateful.
Perhaps the foregoing should come as no surprise, since Kevin’s and my relationship began on a foot of openness and artlessness. The details are now lost to me (but probably not to Kevin, who has one of the sharpest memories of anyone I know), but what I do recall is that we met at the Four Seasons Golf Club (or “The Quad,” as Kevin likes to affectionately call it), with Kevin approaching me and expressing a desire to talk some more after he heard me speaking candidly about my struggles with obsessive thinking, doubts, and the like. He seemed to think that, perhaps, I had something to offer him, in terms of life experience and perspective; in fact, I did. Little did I realize, at the time, how much Kevin had to offer me, too, as a result of the friendship that was to ensue.
It became immediately clear, after spending some time with Kevin, that he and I are very similar in our personalities, though there are also unmistakable differences between us. At the core, Kevin is, as my title above indicates, a thinker and a tinkerer. Kevin analyzes, overanalyzes, and then anaylzes some more, particularly when it comes to life, himself, and the myriad phenomena we encounter in the world. He does not accept easy, face value answers; he probes, contemplates, and then renders an interpretation. While we may not always agree about these interpretations, we often do, and I always respect the way he goes about his thinking. As for the tinkering part, well, there could be a whole book written about this aspect of his personality, which he shares in common with his father, Tom, who is a delightful and kind-hearted person himself. To capture it briefly, Kevin is always tweaking this or that – whether the “this” or “that” be his golf swing, his thinking, or his time management at work – in an attempt to become more efficient, more successful, more accurate. He may drive himself crazy sometimes, but, on the whole, this is part of what makes Kevin Kevin, and I find it to be one of his most endearing traits.
Over the years, our friendship has evolved and grown to include many elements, reaching beyond the initial connection rooted in loving golf and trying to navigate and temper obsessive thinking. We have visited in Portland, Oregon, where he and his girlfriend, Megan, live with their beloved dog, Rue; spent numerous nights in his parents’ living room, eating our fill and enjoying camaraderie and laughter; had innumerable phone calls, often lasting well into the two-hour range; played together in his, and his brother Erik’s, creative winter golf event, The Fundra; consulted each other for hours upon hours regarding the complexities of romantic attraction and desire; successfully paired up for the popular W.B. Sullivan Better-Ball golf tournament at Lebanon CC; and so much more.
Kevin, I know you know this, but I am extremely grateful for your friendship and for the questions we have explored together on this journey of life. You love the questions, and you seek understanding based on, and borne out of, your experience. Keep living this way, and please continue to learn how to be gentle and patient with yourself. You’re not perfect, and you never will be. It is your quirks and eccentricities that make you who you are, and you are a person whom people like and love just as you are. I know, because I am one of these people.
10th Leper Gratitude 