John and Jane Doe

In graduate school, I would not infrequently hear my professors talk about their students, and/or their patients/clients, as their “teachers.” At the time, I wasn’t sure whether this was genuine, or, rather, a piece of rhetoric that passed as (false) humility. Now, close to ten years into my formal practice as a psychotherapist, I know: it is the genuine truth.

“John and Jane Doe,” of course, stand for the hundreds, no, by now, thousands, of clients with whom, both directly and indirectly, I have come into contact since beginning my career as a professional counselor. As I reflect on the interactions that I have had with these folks, it would be a gross and bland understatement to say that I have learned a lot from them; it would be more accurate to say that I have been impacted, and shaped, by these people who have the courage to show up and share themselves with me.

When I spend time with clients, I often find myself in the presence of a veritable mirror: the best and the worst of me, undoubtedly, is reflected in the best and the worst of these clients’ lives. Their beauty inspires me to become better, and also to remember all the goodness that has temporarily been eclipsed in my own life; their ugliness, perhaps ironically, has a similar effect, as it reminds me, in sharp relief, of the fears, insecurities, and pain that often drive me to behave in an unmistakably similar fashion. When I am able to realize this, I am, from the opposite end, as it were, inspired to something better, something more tender and whole.

What I wish I could tell these clients, individually and collectively, is just how much they impact me…and mean to me. I try my very best to let them know this during the course of our time together, as one never knows when his, her, or their chance will pass us by forever. I have a fantasy that, perhaps, my expressions of gratitude will remain with John and Jane forever, and that, even more fantastically, one day we will meet again in the spiritual realm and rejoice with one another over the life-giving impacts we had on each other’s lives and journeys. At other times, what I have just written sounds a whole lot like egotistical, self-aggrandizing flattery, and something with which to dispense. At the end of the day, I suppose that it is a mix of both. Nevertheless, I think it is of vital importance that people – whether they be clients, family, friends, or a whole host of other possible relations – know that they have impacted us, and so I make a point of telling them whenever an appropriate opportunity presents itself.

Jane and John Doe, though I try my best to let you know how powerfully your stories, your pain, your hopes, your suffering, and your humanity have impacted me, I will never be able to convey a fraction of it to you in an adequate fashion. In some small way, I hope you might stumble across this post one day and realize that, yes, YOU are one of my teachers, YOU are one of the carriers of wisdom, YOU are one of the few who have the courage to put your life on display, warts and all, in the hopes that, together, we might find our way to somewhere better, somewhere more satisfying, somewhere more whole. I wish you the deepest satisfaction on your journey, and want to tell you how grateful I am that you have chosen, choose, and will choose to share yourselves with me. It is my deepest hope that what I have to offer you has been, is, and will be, worthy of your time, money, and energy; most of all, that our relationship would be satisfying to your soul.